What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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