my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
