If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
