if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
