why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
