wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
