Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
