I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
