My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My boob is missing a layer of skin
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
