I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
