so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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