After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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