WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
