i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
