i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
