2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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