He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
