Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
