windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
