Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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