He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
bring money and cleavage
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
