dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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