great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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