It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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