Say something about gay babies.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
