I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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