He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
