sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
