I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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