There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
