I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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