making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
