One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
