p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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