how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
