Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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