i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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