I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
