dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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