Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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