Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
