So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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