So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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