I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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