My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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