I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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