Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
