I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
