Define "chronic" masturbator.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize