someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
