the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
