So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
