He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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