We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
