I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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