Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
