This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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