either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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