in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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