Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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