so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
