this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just had sex on a roof
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I want a musical about memes.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize