guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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