the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
