I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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