she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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