I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
