I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize