ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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